A Moment in Time

Can one person really change a life forever? Can completing mundane everyday routines enhance the lives of those around you? It takes a lifetime of experiences & education to really shape a person.  But if “one day in His Court is like a thousand elsewhere” & “my life but a breath” where do I fit in on the timeline of eternity?

For one young almost teenage girl, it will be a moment in time & I pray that it changes her positively.

Where do I begin?

We welcomed a teenage guest into our home this week. We eagerly anticipated her arrival & although I was a little nervous (I don’t do teenage girls because I was once a nasty teenage girl), I was also excited for her to come. She has been pleasant, not rude, really a sweet kid. She does come with some baggage. But who doesn’t? She’s had some rough experiences to no fault of her own.  I don’t really know her story as they didn’t even tell me her name when they called, just that they needed an immediate respite placement for her. So this has all been a process of discovery.

I discovered that teenage girls are not so different from me in terms of feelings & concerns but vastly different in ways they might express those feelings & concerns. Our teenager has a fun, welcoming personality & enjoyed being part of our lively, energetic family.  She almost instantly became meshed into our way of doing things, helping to clear the table or read a book at night (although I found out later that she really struggles with reading).

Our week started out pretty smooth, all things considered. The kids all got along & we were doing well. We had a couple hiccups, like she tried to download some pornographic material on a reader but I caught it & explained that it wasn’t appropriate for her. I understand that her body is changing & curiosity was probably her greatest motivator behind her actions but still, it wasn’t what we wanted in our home. My husband was ready to ship her out that same moment but since I was the one home & handling it we had a conversation about it & heightened the rules for Nook/computer. Basically we all had to stay in the family area & screens were checked continually. She acknowledged our desires to not have pornography in the home & agreed to not look for it while at our house. We had a good talk a few days later about how her body was changing, purity & other girl talk.

Wednesday I went to Dr. Zawasaka, an acupuncturist. What a wonderful blessing that turned out to be! He practiced as a vascular surgeon for 30 years, decided when he turned 60 that he wanted to retire at a slower pace & became an acupuncturist. Now, 20 years later, at 80 years old, he is still practicing in his “retirement job! He is such a nice guy. I was so thankful that he had medical experience & wanted to review my CT’s & MRI’s to see if I might in fact need vascular surgery (although he doesn’t practice it anymore he could certainly evaluate it & recommend someone for me). He was very thorough in taking my history & reviewing my risk factors, even compared my pulses on both legs & feet. The temperature was different but the pulses were the same which he said was a good sign from a vascular point. I was a little apprehensive about acupuncture as my last experience with nerve conduction needles was excruciating.  After acupuncture my foot pain was greatly reduced! My migraine was gone & I was practically jumping for joy (ok, not quite jumping but off my crutch at the time). He anticipates seeing me weekly for 6 weeks with hopes for complete pain relief. I have little intradermal needles in now that are supposed to help with pain in between sessions (and if you ask my physical therapist the difference that acupuncture has made would make a believer out of you as well!)

Friday, the day I was supposed to post this blog, was a whirlwind. Actually, I think it started Thursday evening.  Our foster daughter came home after school on Thursday, sick. Tyson & Taylor were on antibiotics for strep so I made an appointment for her to go to urgent care & be seen. She didn’t have strep which was a relief, just a virus. She went to school Friday morning feeling a little under the weather but she really wanted to go to see her special friend. She was still attending the school that had the inappropriate relationship within her last placement & would see her “friend” at school.  I spoke with the agency as I was told that she would be at our house through Friday. The one social worker knew nothing of that arrangement, talking about finding a placement for her within the next 3 to 4 weeks! DJ & I met with the agency person who originally told me Friday & she conveniently forgot that she said that. We weren’t trying to kick the girl out of our house but we have all boys & one that is crashing into puberty.  Her last placement had to be terminated because of a situation within the home & we did NOT want to repeat that scenario within our home (we didn’t learn of her previous situation until after she arrived at our home). DJ was especially nervous having a possibly promiscuous teenage girl sleeping in our house amidst a testosterone filled home. A week is one thing but a month? A month means she’s not a guest but a member of the household, it would completely change how we related to her. We wanted to convey to the agency that we were uneasy about the situation. Personally it was quite agonizing for me. Her thirteenth birthday was coming up, her mom wasn’t fighting for her, her dad wasn’t trying to get her, she was in her 3^rd home & 3^rd school in 3 weeks…she really was dealt a crappy hand. I didn’t want her going from one respite home (ours) to another. I wanted her to have a permanency plan that would allow for some stability thus I was willing to have her stay for another week or so if that would help facilitate that.

I went to pick her up from school Friday afternoon & she was not in her normal place. I waited for 15 minutes before calling inside the school for them to page her overhead. 10 more minutes passed & I began panicking. My kids were due to be home in 5 minutes so I called a friend to pick them up. What is going on? I LOST my foster daughter!!!! I called the social worker who gave me a few numbers of her friends & says we’ll call the police in 2 hours if we don’t find her. I search the fields, call the school to search the bathrooms, she is NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!?! Praying for her safety I return back to my home to pick up my kids. Almost as soon as I pull into the neighborhood to pick up the boys I get a phone call. Praise be to God, someone saw her with her special friend in an area where they weren’t supposed to be & sent them back into school. 40 minutes later I pick her up shaking with relief but irritated that she was like, “I was ok, I wasn’t worried” AGH!!! I explained how worried I was, how we were about to file a Missing Persons report, how the other kids were not taken care of because I was looking for her, etc, etc.  She didn’t express any remorse until I told her that the punishment would be she would be picked up & dropped off at the door of the school, no hanging out with friends & walking around the back to go into the school from a different entrance.

Friday night I took the boys to Awana & hung out with our foster daughter. We talked & arranged to meet with her mother the next day. The social worker called to say he had a permanent placement for her on Monday to which she responded by sobbing as she didn’t want to leave her school or our home. She asked me to adopt her which broke my heart (she is not free to be adopted). As she cried on her bed her radio blared. Normally I would ask her to turn it down as the music coming out was often offensive but this time I heard, “your Great Name…” streaming out of her room. It was as if the music was there to comfort her. I don’t know how the channel changed but it calmed her & she was back to her normal fun personality. By the end of the night my leg was numb & I was exhausted.  Hubby came home from his conference that evening & we both felt like we had experienced at least 3 days in one day…truly emotionally draining.

Saturday we did morning chores & took everyone to the library. Trey had a playdate & I took our foster daughter to have a day with her mom. When I picked her up that evening she was reaching for her mother as we drove away, her body convulsing as the emotional turmoil from being taken from her mother broke her heart.  She was quiet that night, withdrawn, often crying in her room. She had pretty bad cramps which probably only added to her emotional discourse but found my soothing teddy bear (it’s like a heating pad) comforting.

Sunday, Daylight Savings Time, we all woke up late. 8am for our 9:15 service. But God had a plan for it all…it was Youth Sunday! What a perfect time for a non churched youth to come to church! She saw middle school & high school kids singing, playing in the band, & worshipping God. It was great. She was barefoot in the isle, jumping with the other teens. She didn’t know what or why they were singing but she joined in & had fun. She asked to come back every Sunday. We explained that Youth Sunday occurred once a year but we would love to have her come & go to the Warehouse, the meeting place for youth services.

Sunday afternoon we took her to Golden Corral to celebrate her birthday (which I personally can not STAND but it wasn’t my birthday). She loved it. A dear friend came over to help me wash, dry & flat iron her hair which she also loved. We went to small group & all the kids sang happy birthday to her which made her feel really special. I arranged to meet her mom for a few minutes so we could take some pictures of her & her mom together as she didn’t have any pictures of her family.

I was also able to talk to her mom for a few minutes. Wow. Found out her daughter was the product of rape & abuse. Her mother later married & had 3 other children. The father that our foster daughter knew was not her biological father but her mom never told her that. (Although it might be good for her to know as he is allowing her to stay in foster care when he COULD have her in his care).  The girls’ mother went on to tell me her hopeless story. Near homeless, jobless, about to be carless, she dropped out of school when she was 16 & depended on her about to be ex-husband, for the past 13 years. She suffered from depression having kids back to back & at one time attempted suicide. Her daughter had lied & exaggerated to people at school her home situation & she was taken away from her. Even after her daughter told the judge she had not been truthful the court deemed her mother unfit given her past history of depression & attempted suicide. A heart wrenching, horrific story with a sweet girl stuck in the middle. Her mom said she wanted her back but I’m not sure she has the fight left in her. As the tears welled up in the mothers eyes I felt like I was looking at myself. If it had not been for the mercy of God I could have ended up in the same predicament that this woman was facing. She was hopeless. Even if she got her daughter back she felt nothing but despair as she had no way to provide for their needs. DJ & I are proponents of healthy families & I offered to help her get her daughter back. The foster care system is no place for an adolescent child. A family will tolerate the hormones, drama & attitudes but the fostercare system will not be as forgiving.  The mother hugged me & thanked me for showing so much love to her daughter. Jeremiah 29:11-13 came to mind as I prayed with her. “For I know the plans I have for You, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you a hope & a future. Then you will call upon me & come & pray to me & I will listen to you. You will seek Me & find Me when you seek me with your whole heart.” We drove home with only a few tears that night.

Monday morning I went to physical therapy at 6am & was home to make breakfast for the kids. Our foster daughter kept asking for DJ to take her to school & remembering my own deceitful youth, I knew she was not planning on adhering to her punishment of walking in the front doors of the school. I voiced this concern to DJ & he opted to let me take her to school. Sure enough, I dropped her off at the front, watching her walk all the way to the door & then she took off running down the sidewalk, behind the school & into the apartment building complex. I called after her, yet she ran faster. I drove to watch her flee & my heart broke. I knew I had done the same thing to my Lord time & time again yet He always came after me, He never let me go. He allowed me to make my own bad decisions yet His love never faltered. He never ‘kicked me to the curb’ because of my rebellion. Oh the mercy & the grace that always followed after me! I never felt His love for me as real as I did watching her beautiful head of hair bob in the wind as she ran in the opposite direction of her school. I was hurt & angered by her actions. I truly felt like I had given her everything & anything that she could have possibly needed & much of what she wanted & this is how she repaid me?!? I went home to pack her belongings. It was confirmation that as much as I wanted to rescue this girl from the dismal state that she was in, I literally could NOT run after her & it would cost me more than I was willing to sacrifice. DJ had made it abundantly clear that he did NOT want to be raising our grandchild in the following year if something tragic should occur. Lord knows I didn’t want that scenario playing out…but my heart, oh my heart! The flight to her female friends house reminded me that the situation was bigger than what I could give. It was motivation to help me find ways to fix our broken foster care system, to help kids find adoptive families long before they were “unadoptable”.

I packed her bags & went to get the pictures of her mom developed. Her birthday present came in (love Amazon Prime!) & I put it in a bag that she is not to open until her birthday on the 15^th. I picked up the boys from school so they could say goodbye. We hugged her, took 1 last picture & said we’d pick her up next Sunday for church.

So did I make a life-changing difference in this girls’ life in a week? I may never know. I loved her when she was not very loveable & tried to be a reflection of Jesus but knew that I failed miserably when it came to truly reflecting the Son. There were so many needs & so little that I could actually do. The one thing I did learn is how much MORE I need to pray. I need to really pray for the needs of the people. There is a lot of brokenness around me, a lot of people without Hope.  I need to pray more & proclaim the Truth more. More of Him, less of Me, that’s what I learned in this moment of time.

I didn’t post this last night & of course God is always moving & working…a neighbor friend of mine called me this morning asking me to watch her son for as long as I could as she needs to go to the hospital for mental illness. I said yes, prayed with her & changed the sheets in the foster child’s room. I have no idea what the plan is for my life or for these kids that are coming through our doors but I am willing to be a vessel of honor used for His glory. Keep us in your prayers as the battle rages on. It is comforting to know that we WILL have the VICTORY in the end!