Looks So Beautiful...Yet Smells Fishy

We have this tree in our front yard that I love.  Every season it displays its beauty for all to see. Springtime is probably my favorite season for this tree. The white flowers that it majestically portrays are breath-taking. Until you in fact, take a deep breath. The smell is horrible! Smells like a cross between rotten fish & dirty socks. I can’t even open the windows for a long time without the odor overtaking the beauty that it possesses on the outside. As if the aroma weren’t enough I am reminded of when a hurricane came through this past year & the tree split, falling on our house. Multiple contractions said that Bradford Pears are infamous for splitting & causing damage. They said that these trees were used because, “they are inexpensive & always beautiful but shouldn’t be close to the house because they are likely to cause damage later on.” At the time I didn’t really think much of the conversation other than my irritation that land developers/contractors don’t always think long term & quality, but cheap & quick sell. I’ll return to my conversation about this tree later. (I have a point, I promise).

This week was more reflective for me, not so much of my own personal drama which I was thankful for.  The foster girl that had been at our house is now in a single woman’s home which is perfect for her. She will have someone who can devote time to her as well as a new school environment to help her with a fresh start. We plan to bring her to church on Sundays & have a family dinner so we can still remain an active part of her life. My neighbors’ son stayed with us for a few nights while his mother got her medications balanced. She knows that we will be here if she needs to stay in the hospital for a period of time which she was ever so grateful for. I pray that we can be a witness to this family of Muslims & Catholics.

Probably the thing that struck me the most this week was a dear friend of mine lost her husband suddenly to a heart attack leaving her widowed with 4 children.  A devastating loss for her & her kids, three of whom are adopted which may leave them with an even greater sense of loss, I don’t know. But when you see the pain in the world, the pain & suffering all around you it really causes you to reflect on your own life, however selfish that may sound, I must confess it seems to be true in my life.

 My pain is annoying, sometimes I can walk sometimes I can’t. I went to an RSD specialist at Georgetown this week. He was very kind but he only does surgical correction for Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. There are often nerve complexes damaged with RSD & in those instances he can surgically go in & repair the nerves thus eliminating the pain. He believes that I have RSD but my damage is not at the top of my foot where he could do a repair. He referred me to a specialist in Richmond, VA.  So that wasn’t the greatest news, a little disappointing but nothing in the realm of life threatening like my dear friend. Helping others in situations far worse than my own has helped me keep things in perspective.  

  I have found myself stuck over the last few weeks. I am supposed to rest yet I am told to ‘remain active’. I am not working yet there’s plenty of “work” to be in our home with three boys. I have found it difficult to just be still. I know it’s necessary to be still, to read my Bible, pray & grow in quietness. Working on strengthening the inner person seems to be quite tedious to me. I am good at being a student & studying for the purpose of a test makes sense to me. However, being still just because it is good for me has been a challenge.

As we welcome spring & all its newness I am intrigued by this fishy smelling Bradford Pear tree. How can a tree be so beautiful but weak & smelly? I am reminded of the verse in I Samuel 16:7, “Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.” What does MY heart look like? Am I merely adorned with jewelry & the “right” jean size (I Peter 3:3)? As I struggle to prepare for summertime without the ability to run & do quick cardio I am reminded of my need to make the inside beautiful. So often I cling to the Scriptures when I am in despair but when everything is ok I may miss a day or two of my time with God. Why must life be in a state of near catastrophe before I come to God? I so long to be a tree planted by the waters, a steady, calm, committed follower of Christ.  Jeremiah 17:8, " He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought & never fails to bear fruit."

I want to be beautiful from the inside out & produce a sweet aroma all the time & in every season. O Lord, through all the seasons of life, the good & the bad, You are there. May we cling to You at all times & all that we do prosper for Your Name's sake. (Psalms 1:3).