Man Up!

I finally get it! Funny how God gives us those, “Aha moments” even when we don’t deserve to know Him or understand Him more, He is gracious & reveals Himself in ways that we can understand.

I had that moment the other day. I went to my ladies bible study Tuesday night & we have been studying the book of John (a great book to start out with if you’re seeking to know Jesus). Anyway, we’re reading in John & we were discussing personal loss of a loved one. The shortest & one of the most “memorized” verses was mentioned, John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” Being a Christ follower for a number of years I have heard this verse about a hundred times. And I was critical of my Lord. I mean, why in the world would Jesus weep? He’s the Son of God?! Sure his friend, Lazarus, had died but it never made sense to me why the God of the Universe would weep? Especially when He knew he was going to raise him from the dead a few minutes later. Why is Jesus weeping? Maybe it’s because I am a mother of boys & thus a little tough but I have often thought to myself, “Man UP! Why are you crying? Just raise him back to life already!!!” (It’s hard to admit that a nurse, a HEART nurse, such as myself might actually lack compassion?!?)

As I sat amongst the women giving these spiritually intelligent answers for why Jesus wept & how He feels like we feel even though He is God, my negative thoughts began creeping in but I wouldn’t give voice to them fearing the others would see inside of me, revealing my despicable heart. Being raised in a Baptist church I certainly knew the right answers to say but inwardly I didn’t believe anything coming out of my own mouth. I was embarrassed to admit my skeptical & cynical thoughts. After all, good Christians don’t say, “Man up” to the Savior of the world, right? I felt like Jesus was being cruel testing Mary & Martha with questions of “Do You Believe?” in the midst of the loss of their brother. I mean, in those days if a woman was without a man to care & protect her it could be a very grim existence for her. The loss of their brother was devastating enough without Jesus adding to their pain with questions testing their belief. Why did he delay in the first place? He could have come earlier when Mary & Martha first sent word that Lazarus was ill (vs 3) & kept Lazarus from dying.  In John 11:15 we hear Jesus purposely delayed so he could increase his disciples’ faith. Ok, wait a minute. He allows his very dear friend to die. Mary & Martha, whom he loved, he let them suffer anguish & grief, basically ignoring them, he even missed the burial, all so he could teach his disciples to have more faith?!? And it wasn’t as if these disciples were all that. One of whom would betray Him, another would doubt Him, all of them questioned Him. Seems like a cruel thing for a loving God to do to me for people that just didn’t get it.

Personally the last couple of days have been difficult for me, my pain has been unbearable. I have tried to avoid narcotics as I don’t want to require them for a long period of time due to the possibly chronic nature of RSD. I have literally cried myself to sleep from the pain & have popped a few pills but they only make me sleepy, they didn’t really take away the pain.  I seem to hurt the most at night, not exactly sure why? Maybe it’s because I am finally quiet & still & can feel it more or maybe it’s because I used my muscles & bones all day & by the end of the day I’m spent. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Whatever the case may be, I have been discouraged by the whole thing, feeling like I take 1 step forward to take 5 steps backwards. My husband has been quite supportive through this whole ordeal. This injury has cost hundreds of dollars in doctor’s visits, tests & therapy & thousands of dollars of lost pay over the past 3 months & he hasn’t complained once. He did make a comment that revealed his frustrations about caring for someone with a chronic condition that really cut me to the core. It was the first time I thought, “We might not make it through this. This is a lot for him to bear.”

The fears of being abandoned again by a man welled up in me. 15 years ago my father left me & I can vividly remember the emotional pain of feeling not good enough to stay for. He didn't just leave my mother, he left me without a word uttering good-bye or see you soon. BUT GOD!!! Oh, thank you Lord for interrupting my scarred memories to show me that my faith & trust was in a man & not in GOD! Yes, my husband is wonderful & loyal to me but he is a man & capable of letting me down at times when I really need someone. Man will  let you down if your faith is solely in them.  Reminds me of a story I just read…Mary & Martha, their hope was in a man, Jesus (as the man/not as God) to come & save the day. He didn’t come, their brother died & now they were left to fend for themselves.  Jesus came & prayed to the FATHER! He was showing them all not to have faith in man but in GOD!

As our family searches for answers to a diagnosis that no one wants to treat & we wait months for a baby that is free to adopt but lost in a foster care system I am reminded that God is working in His timing for all things. He is gently carrying our family through the trials so that in the end the only one that can receive any glory is God.  Oh how great & loving is my God. Despite my doubtful, mocking & treacherous heart He revealed to me that Jesus came as a man, to relate to all our fears, struggles, hopes & dreams, & lead us to God.

Thank You

To all the wonderful people who have called, prayed, encouraged or helped a sister out, I say "Thank You!"

“How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?” I Thessalonians 3:9

I am overwhelmed by the love shown to me & my family during our time of need. Wow!
From making delicious muffins, soups, dinners, to cleaning the house (and the nasty toilets!), laundry, helping kids on/off the bus, giving the kids rides to events, giving me rides to doctor appointments during the day, I even had someone offer to clean up my son’s vomit & put the clothes in the laundry for me. 

What a blessing you have been to me!

“Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.” Proverbs 27:10b

I am so very blessed to have a wonderful family that loves me dearly. They do live far enough away that they cannot help me with everyday things. (My brother lives in CT, my mom resides in Virginia Beach, my father lives in Florida & his family in Ohio, my mother-in-law is the closest distance to me at 1.5 hrs away in Reston, VA). My neighbors & friends have been like a family to me. I am so very grateful for the love & support demonstrated to me, it literally brings me to tears. Paul said it best in Philippians1:3, “Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.” Thank you, thank you, thank you is all I can say! I pray the Lord blesses you a hundred fold for your demonstration of love to me. “May the Lord bless you & keep you…and be gracious to you…and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26.


Giving God Glory for He is Worthy,

~The Jordan Crew~

Looks So Beautiful...Yet Smells Fishy

We have this tree in our front yard that I love.  Every season it displays its beauty for all to see. Springtime is probably my favorite season for this tree. The white flowers that it majestically portrays are breath-taking. Until you in fact, take a deep breath. The smell is horrible! Smells like a cross between rotten fish & dirty socks. I can’t even open the windows for a long time without the odor overtaking the beauty that it possesses on the outside. As if the aroma weren’t enough I am reminded of when a hurricane came through this past year & the tree split, falling on our house. Multiple contractions said that Bradford Pears are infamous for splitting & causing damage. They said that these trees were used because, “they are inexpensive & always beautiful but shouldn’t be close to the house because they are likely to cause damage later on.” At the time I didn’t really think much of the conversation other than my irritation that land developers/contractors don’t always think long term & quality, but cheap & quick sell. I’ll return to my conversation about this tree later. (I have a point, I promise).

This week was more reflective for me, not so much of my own personal drama which I was thankful for.  The foster girl that had been at our house is now in a single woman’s home which is perfect for her. She will have someone who can devote time to her as well as a new school environment to help her with a fresh start. We plan to bring her to church on Sundays & have a family dinner so we can still remain an active part of her life. My neighbors’ son stayed with us for a few nights while his mother got her medications balanced. She knows that we will be here if she needs to stay in the hospital for a period of time which she was ever so grateful for. I pray that we can be a witness to this family of Muslims & Catholics.

Probably the thing that struck me the most this week was a dear friend of mine lost her husband suddenly to a heart attack leaving her widowed with 4 children.  A devastating loss for her & her kids, three of whom are adopted which may leave them with an even greater sense of loss, I don’t know. But when you see the pain in the world, the pain & suffering all around you it really causes you to reflect on your own life, however selfish that may sound, I must confess it seems to be true in my life.

 My pain is annoying, sometimes I can walk sometimes I can’t. I went to an RSD specialist at Georgetown this week. He was very kind but he only does surgical correction for Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. There are often nerve complexes damaged with RSD & in those instances he can surgically go in & repair the nerves thus eliminating the pain. He believes that I have RSD but my damage is not at the top of my foot where he could do a repair. He referred me to a specialist in Richmond, VA.  So that wasn’t the greatest news, a little disappointing but nothing in the realm of life threatening like my dear friend. Helping others in situations far worse than my own has helped me keep things in perspective.  

  I have found myself stuck over the last few weeks. I am supposed to rest yet I am told to ‘remain active’. I am not working yet there’s plenty of “work” to be in our home with three boys. I have found it difficult to just be still. I know it’s necessary to be still, to read my Bible, pray & grow in quietness. Working on strengthening the inner person seems to be quite tedious to me. I am good at being a student & studying for the purpose of a test makes sense to me. However, being still just because it is good for me has been a challenge.

As we welcome spring & all its newness I am intrigued by this fishy smelling Bradford Pear tree. How can a tree be so beautiful but weak & smelly? I am reminded of the verse in I Samuel 16:7, “Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.” What does MY heart look like? Am I merely adorned with jewelry & the “right” jean size (I Peter 3:3)? As I struggle to prepare for summertime without the ability to run & do quick cardio I am reminded of my need to make the inside beautiful. So often I cling to the Scriptures when I am in despair but when everything is ok I may miss a day or two of my time with God. Why must life be in a state of near catastrophe before I come to God? I so long to be a tree planted by the waters, a steady, calm, committed follower of Christ.  Jeremiah 17:8, " He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought & never fails to bear fruit."

I want to be beautiful from the inside out & produce a sweet aroma all the time & in every season. O Lord, through all the seasons of life, the good & the bad, You are there. May we cling to You at all times & all that we do prosper for Your Name's sake. (Psalms 1:3).

He Will Carry Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSFH6_IiOlw

A Moment in Time

Can one person really change a life forever? Can completing mundane everyday routines enhance the lives of those around you? It takes a lifetime of experiences & education to really shape a person.  But if “one day in His Court is like a thousand elsewhere” & “my life but a breath” where do I fit in on the timeline of eternity?

For one young almost teenage girl, it will be a moment in time & I pray that it changes her positively.

Where do I begin?

We welcomed a teenage guest into our home this week. We eagerly anticipated her arrival & although I was a little nervous (I don’t do teenage girls because I was once a nasty teenage girl), I was also excited for her to come. She has been pleasant, not rude, really a sweet kid. She does come with some baggage. But who doesn’t? She’s had some rough experiences to no fault of her own.  I don’t really know her story as they didn’t even tell me her name when they called, just that they needed an immediate respite placement for her. So this has all been a process of discovery.

I discovered that teenage girls are not so different from me in terms of feelings & concerns but vastly different in ways they might express those feelings & concerns. Our teenager has a fun, welcoming personality & enjoyed being part of our lively, energetic family.  She almost instantly became meshed into our way of doing things, helping to clear the table or read a book at night (although I found out later that she really struggles with reading).

Our week started out pretty smooth, all things considered. The kids all got along & we were doing well. We had a couple hiccups, like she tried to download some pornographic material on a reader but I caught it & explained that it wasn’t appropriate for her. I understand that her body is changing & curiosity was probably her greatest motivator behind her actions but still, it wasn’t what we wanted in our home. My husband was ready to ship her out that same moment but since I was the one home & handling it we had a conversation about it & heightened the rules for Nook/computer. Basically we all had to stay in the family area & screens were checked continually. She acknowledged our desires to not have pornography in the home & agreed to not look for it while at our house. We had a good talk a few days later about how her body was changing, purity & other girl talk.

Wednesday I went to Dr. Zawasaka, an acupuncturist. What a wonderful blessing that turned out to be! He practiced as a vascular surgeon for 30 years, decided when he turned 60 that he wanted to retire at a slower pace & became an acupuncturist. Now, 20 years later, at 80 years old, he is still practicing in his “retirement job! He is such a nice guy. I was so thankful that he had medical experience & wanted to review my CT’s & MRI’s to see if I might in fact need vascular surgery (although he doesn’t practice it anymore he could certainly evaluate it & recommend someone for me). He was very thorough in taking my history & reviewing my risk factors, even compared my pulses on both legs & feet. The temperature was different but the pulses were the same which he said was a good sign from a vascular point. I was a little apprehensive about acupuncture as my last experience with nerve conduction needles was excruciating.  After acupuncture my foot pain was greatly reduced! My migraine was gone & I was practically jumping for joy (ok, not quite jumping but off my crutch at the time). He anticipates seeing me weekly for 6 weeks with hopes for complete pain relief. I have little intradermal needles in now that are supposed to help with pain in between sessions (and if you ask my physical therapist the difference that acupuncture has made would make a believer out of you as well!)

Friday, the day I was supposed to post this blog, was a whirlwind. Actually, I think it started Thursday evening.  Our foster daughter came home after school on Thursday, sick. Tyson & Taylor were on antibiotics for strep so I made an appointment for her to go to urgent care & be seen. She didn’t have strep which was a relief, just a virus. She went to school Friday morning feeling a little under the weather but she really wanted to go to see her special friend. She was still attending the school that had the inappropriate relationship within her last placement & would see her “friend” at school.  I spoke with the agency as I was told that she would be at our house through Friday. The one social worker knew nothing of that arrangement, talking about finding a placement for her within the next 3 to 4 weeks! DJ & I met with the agency person who originally told me Friday & she conveniently forgot that she said that. We weren’t trying to kick the girl out of our house but we have all boys & one that is crashing into puberty.  Her last placement had to be terminated because of a situation within the home & we did NOT want to repeat that scenario within our home (we didn’t learn of her previous situation until after she arrived at our home). DJ was especially nervous having a possibly promiscuous teenage girl sleeping in our house amidst a testosterone filled home. A week is one thing but a month? A month means she’s not a guest but a member of the household, it would completely change how we related to her. We wanted to convey to the agency that we were uneasy about the situation. Personally it was quite agonizing for me. Her thirteenth birthday was coming up, her mom wasn’t fighting for her, her dad wasn’t trying to get her, she was in her 3^rd home & 3^rd school in 3 weeks…she really was dealt a crappy hand. I didn’t want her going from one respite home (ours) to another. I wanted her to have a permanency plan that would allow for some stability thus I was willing to have her stay for another week or so if that would help facilitate that.

I went to pick her up from school Friday afternoon & she was not in her normal place. I waited for 15 minutes before calling inside the school for them to page her overhead. 10 more minutes passed & I began panicking. My kids were due to be home in 5 minutes so I called a friend to pick them up. What is going on? I LOST my foster daughter!!!! I called the social worker who gave me a few numbers of her friends & says we’ll call the police in 2 hours if we don’t find her. I search the fields, call the school to search the bathrooms, she is NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!?! Praying for her safety I return back to my home to pick up my kids. Almost as soon as I pull into the neighborhood to pick up the boys I get a phone call. Praise be to God, someone saw her with her special friend in an area where they weren’t supposed to be & sent them back into school. 40 minutes later I pick her up shaking with relief but irritated that she was like, “I was ok, I wasn’t worried” AGH!!! I explained how worried I was, how we were about to file a Missing Persons report, how the other kids were not taken care of because I was looking for her, etc, etc.  She didn’t express any remorse until I told her that the punishment would be she would be picked up & dropped off at the door of the school, no hanging out with friends & walking around the back to go into the school from a different entrance.

Friday night I took the boys to Awana & hung out with our foster daughter. We talked & arranged to meet with her mother the next day. The social worker called to say he had a permanent placement for her on Monday to which she responded by sobbing as she didn’t want to leave her school or our home. She asked me to adopt her which broke my heart (she is not free to be adopted). As she cried on her bed her radio blared. Normally I would ask her to turn it down as the music coming out was often offensive but this time I heard, “your Great Name…” streaming out of her room. It was as if the music was there to comfort her. I don’t know how the channel changed but it calmed her & she was back to her normal fun personality. By the end of the night my leg was numb & I was exhausted.  Hubby came home from his conference that evening & we both felt like we had experienced at least 3 days in one day…truly emotionally draining.

Saturday we did morning chores & took everyone to the library. Trey had a playdate & I took our foster daughter to have a day with her mom. When I picked her up that evening she was reaching for her mother as we drove away, her body convulsing as the emotional turmoil from being taken from her mother broke her heart.  She was quiet that night, withdrawn, often crying in her room. She had pretty bad cramps which probably only added to her emotional discourse but found my soothing teddy bear (it’s like a heating pad) comforting.

Sunday, Daylight Savings Time, we all woke up late. 8am for our 9:15 service. But God had a plan for it all…it was Youth Sunday! What a perfect time for a non churched youth to come to church! She saw middle school & high school kids singing, playing in the band, & worshipping God. It was great. She was barefoot in the isle, jumping with the other teens. She didn’t know what or why they were singing but she joined in & had fun. She asked to come back every Sunday. We explained that Youth Sunday occurred once a year but we would love to have her come & go to the Warehouse, the meeting place for youth services.

Sunday afternoon we took her to Golden Corral to celebrate her birthday (which I personally can not STAND but it wasn’t my birthday). She loved it. A dear friend came over to help me wash, dry & flat iron her hair which she also loved. We went to small group & all the kids sang happy birthday to her which made her feel really special. I arranged to meet her mom for a few minutes so we could take some pictures of her & her mom together as she didn’t have any pictures of her family.

I was also able to talk to her mom for a few minutes. Wow. Found out her daughter was the product of rape & abuse. Her mother later married & had 3 other children. The father that our foster daughter knew was not her biological father but her mom never told her that. (Although it might be good for her to know as he is allowing her to stay in foster care when he COULD have her in his care).  The girls’ mother went on to tell me her hopeless story. Near homeless, jobless, about to be carless, she dropped out of school when she was 16 & depended on her about to be ex-husband, for the past 13 years. She suffered from depression having kids back to back & at one time attempted suicide. Her daughter had lied & exaggerated to people at school her home situation & she was taken away from her. Even after her daughter told the judge she had not been truthful the court deemed her mother unfit given her past history of depression & attempted suicide. A heart wrenching, horrific story with a sweet girl stuck in the middle. Her mom said she wanted her back but I’m not sure she has the fight left in her. As the tears welled up in the mothers eyes I felt like I was looking at myself. If it had not been for the mercy of God I could have ended up in the same predicament that this woman was facing. She was hopeless. Even if she got her daughter back she felt nothing but despair as she had no way to provide for their needs. DJ & I are proponents of healthy families & I offered to help her get her daughter back. The foster care system is no place for an adolescent child. A family will tolerate the hormones, drama & attitudes but the fostercare system will not be as forgiving.  The mother hugged me & thanked me for showing so much love to her daughter. Jeremiah 29:11-13 came to mind as I prayed with her. “For I know the plans I have for You, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you a hope & a future. Then you will call upon me & come & pray to me & I will listen to you. You will seek Me & find Me when you seek me with your whole heart.” We drove home with only a few tears that night.

Monday morning I went to physical therapy at 6am & was home to make breakfast for the kids. Our foster daughter kept asking for DJ to take her to school & remembering my own deceitful youth, I knew she was not planning on adhering to her punishment of walking in the front doors of the school. I voiced this concern to DJ & he opted to let me take her to school. Sure enough, I dropped her off at the front, watching her walk all the way to the door & then she took off running down the sidewalk, behind the school & into the apartment building complex. I called after her, yet she ran faster. I drove to watch her flee & my heart broke. I knew I had done the same thing to my Lord time & time again yet He always came after me, He never let me go. He allowed me to make my own bad decisions yet His love never faltered. He never ‘kicked me to the curb’ because of my rebellion. Oh the mercy & the grace that always followed after me! I never felt His love for me as real as I did watching her beautiful head of hair bob in the wind as she ran in the opposite direction of her school. I was hurt & angered by her actions. I truly felt like I had given her everything & anything that she could have possibly needed & much of what she wanted & this is how she repaid me?!? I went home to pack her belongings. It was confirmation that as much as I wanted to rescue this girl from the dismal state that she was in, I literally could NOT run after her & it would cost me more than I was willing to sacrifice. DJ had made it abundantly clear that he did NOT want to be raising our grandchild in the following year if something tragic should occur. Lord knows I didn’t want that scenario playing out…but my heart, oh my heart! The flight to her female friends house reminded me that the situation was bigger than what I could give. It was motivation to help me find ways to fix our broken foster care system, to help kids find adoptive families long before they were “unadoptable”.

I packed her bags & went to get the pictures of her mom developed. Her birthday present came in (love Amazon Prime!) & I put it in a bag that she is not to open until her birthday on the 15^th. I picked up the boys from school so they could say goodbye. We hugged her, took 1 last picture & said we’d pick her up next Sunday for church.

So did I make a life-changing difference in this girls’ life in a week? I may never know. I loved her when she was not very loveable & tried to be a reflection of Jesus but knew that I failed miserably when it came to truly reflecting the Son. There were so many needs & so little that I could actually do. The one thing I did learn is how much MORE I need to pray. I need to really pray for the needs of the people. There is a lot of brokenness around me, a lot of people without Hope.  I need to pray more & proclaim the Truth more. More of Him, less of Me, that’s what I learned in this moment of time.

I didn’t post this last night & of course God is always moving & working…a neighbor friend of mine called me this morning asking me to watch her son for as long as I could as she needs to go to the hospital for mental illness. I said yes, prayed with her & changed the sheets in the foster child’s room. I have no idea what the plan is for my life or for these kids that are coming through our doors but I am willing to be a vessel of honor used for His glory. Keep us in your prayers as the battle rages on. It is comforting to know that we WILL have the VICTORY in the end! 

Rough Day

Sunday, March 4, was a hard day for me. I was in so much pain.

I forced myself to get up & go to church but cried most of the time as I felt so hopeless. We had our guest pastor/soon to be part of the church leadership team, Mitchell Lee, preach. He helped me realign my thoughts on the truths of scripture & not the lies the devil was trying to feed me. It wasn’t a death sentence, RSD, just a life-altering sentence. And maybe all my doctors & specialists were wrong. But I’ve been in healthcare for awhile now & knew they were all thinking RSD but no one wanted to explain it or give that diagnosis. Sunday was a dark day for me emotionally. I was tired of being dependent on my wonderful husband to take care of me, the kids, all our needs. I knew he was supportive but tired too. I tried to go to church with just a crutch as people would jokingly ask DJ what he was doing to me & I could see it hurting him each time. He would never hurt me, he lives to protect & care for me. Jokes like that cut deep into the pride of my dear husband but he would laugh it off & only I could see the pain it caused.

So I tried to be less conspicuous with my ailments & used just one crutch, no wrist or ankle boot. After all, nothing was broken, I was better, it just hurt. And then I fell. I tried to get out of the car when my leg went numb, I couldn’t catch myself with my still very sore wrist  & I collapsed. I may not have been a star athlete but I have always considered myself an athlete. That was not a glorious moment in time for me.

DJ scooped me up & carried me to bed. My sons were worried as I was crying.  Crying cause it hurt, crying because of the loss, lots of tears. I probably needed a good cry. Being a mom of all boys DJ has discouraged ‘crying for no reason’ as we want them to be manly men, not wimps. I want them to be sensitive to the needs around them & take action. I want them to feel free to cry for things that would break God’s heart & when they were truly in pain but crying because they had a bad day or things weren’t right seemed like poor reasons for men to cry. I'm raising men, leaders of tomorrow. As their mother they imitate me often & learn my mannerisms.  They have a wonderful manly example of a father yet they were with me for a large portion of they day thus they picked up on my ways. So I altered my “girly emotions” so show them better ways of responding to life’s challenges. Yet I lied in the bed, crying. Sunday was hard. 

What is RSD to Me?

What is RSD to me?

A very grim diagnosis, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, if this was indeed what I had. A chronic condition for which there was no cure & possibly a permanent disability. RSD was not cool, not cool at all. What was I supposed to do with a diagnosis like that?!?! I have 3 active boys, we're trying to adopt, I'm a critical care RN, and I enjoy all sports & outdoor activities. What do you mean I might not be able to use my leg? I might live in chronic pain as long as I remain on this earth. Needless to say, none of my specialists wanted to be the one to give me that diagnosis. Everyone looked & re- looked over all my scans & tests for them all to be negative. Negative is supposed to be a good thing in medicine. Except when you have a diagnosis based on what isn't.
I sought a second opinion as Dr. Gor seemed stumped. My second opinion doctor gave me a new narcotic, Nucynta, & started me on physical therapy. Basically I needed to regain strength & usage in my leg. It would feel like it was broken but it wasn’t. Sometimes my leg is strong, but other times it goes numb & I can barely lift it. I try to pace myself knowing that I have an entire day to get through. I’ve slowed down a lot. No PTA or afterschool activities for the boys, I am just trying to get through the day. I am encouraged by Lamentations 3:22-26:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

23They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

24I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

25The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him;

26it is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

What is RSD?

http://www.rsdawareness.com/whatisrsd.htm
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/reflex_sympathetic_dystrophy/detail_reflex_sympathetic_dystrophy.htm

Joy Comes in the Morning!

March 5

Monday, March 5, was a new day. I got up & went to my orthopedist for him to not even touch my foot but say, “it looks like RSD, Miss Jordan, I am so sorry. You’ve heard of RSD? I’ll refer you to a pain specialist; it’s outside of what I can do for you. Again, I am so very sorry, please give your regards to your husband.” 

But I had made peace with an RSD diagnosis just the day before so although his words should’ve made me distraught I was surprisingly calm. God is good, I am so thankful for all the friends & family who have prayed for me during this time. While I was still in the office the pediatrician calls to tell me that Tyson’s throat culture came back positive! Wait a minute, I kept him home, Thursday & Friday, took him to the doctor on Friday, they said he didn’t have strep & to manage his fever at home. He was better on Saturday & Sunday; I just gave him a dose of Tylenol for a headache but no fevers Sat or Sunday. Here it is MONDAY, he’s AT SCHOOL, & he has strep?!? 

Great. So I get a prescription for him & go to the MVA to get a disability tag on my car. I can drive but not really long distances as my foot seems to go numb when it isn’t elevated.  (But there’s nothing wrong? How frustrating!) Anyway, I make it to the MVA & Taylor manages to fall backwards out of his seat. Of course I can’t catch him on crutches, which I use to minimize my pain while I’m out, & he crashes to the floor unharmed only startled (that boy has his guardian angels jumping through hoops to protect him!)  I got my tags, picked up Tyson’s medicine & waited for him to get home from school as he only had an hour left so no real need for me to go pick him up. He had a huge snack, gave him his medicine, about an hour later he breaks out in a rash on his face, neck & shoulders & was crying for unknown reasons. He put himself in bed @ 6:45pm not to get up until 7am the next morning.

 Meanwhile I realized I missed a call from Kids Peace, our foster to adopt agency that we’re a part of. I think it was about 2pm, while I was waiting for the kids to get home from school. She had a few things to say about a possible adoption case that we are hoping we will be chosen for coming up this month & another teenage girl that needed respite care for a few days. 

Respite care? We did NOT sign up for respite care! Respite care is a temporary placement for foster kids who need an immediate placement for some reason while a more permanent placement is being found. They called us because we live in Columbia & the girl needed a place to stay in Howard County so she could continue to go to school.  

At first I thought, “I can NOT do this! I’m injured, Tyson’s sick, DJ is going to be gone all week (he has school Monday nights until 10:30pm, Super Tuesday receptions, home Wednesday night, Thursday Men’s Bible Study & then conference Friday & Saturday.” The case worker on the phone said she would probably be with us through the end of the week.  But a verse in Esther came to my mind. Esther was unsure of what to do & her wise Uncle Mordecai said to her, “Perhaps you are here for such a time as this.” And I thought, “Ok, God, this wasn’t what I had in mind. A teenager for a week? But it is what You have in mind so give me strength to do all that I need to do as I am here, at home, NOT working, for such a time as this.” And He gave me the peace to tell the social worker to bring her here! (I did call my husband first & he gave his blessing as well)

So now I have a teenage foster daughter! She has been a joy thus far. To protect her identity I can’t post photos or give her name but we are all enjoying this new world of lots of clothes & hour long prep for middle school. J

Please continue to pray as Tyson developed a rash last night (think he’s allergic to his medication) & we are in a period of transition here. I have appointments for acupuncture & other alternative medicine therapies as Western medicine has few answers for me. I am doing physical therapy twice a week for my foot & once a week for my hand with improved strength in my hand for which I am thankful. I cannot begin to acknowledge all the people who have cooked, done laundry, picked up my kids, substituted for me in preschool & Sunday school, prayed with me & encouraged my spirits. Dear friends & family, I love you so! This Journey of faith is an adventure.

I will try to post again on Friday, March 9, 2012.

So What Happened to Glorya's Foot?

What’s Up with Glorya’s foot?

Another, ‘only I could do it’ kind of stories. It was the first week of January, January 5th I believe. I had my hand in a cast & reached to get a shirt out of my hubby’s drawer & I pulled it out too fast. Since my one hand was in a cast I couldn’t catch it & it fell on my foot. OUCH! It really hurt the top of my foot but then I couldn’t bear weight on my foot to go get some ice so I sent one of the kids. I sat on the bed & looked at the bottom of my foot. Not a pretty sight. I could see a tendon rolled like a ball in the middle of my foot & I thought to myself, “Great! I just ruptured my plantar fascia! I can’t believe I dropped a DRAWER & it RUPTURED the tendon!?!?” I was mostly just mad. I didn’t bother going to the hospital that night because I knew I needed to be seen by a foot guy so I waited until the next day to call my wonderful podiatrist, Dr. Gor. He’s so down-to-earth & really attentive; he called me back & scheduled an appointment. He told me to stay off of it & rest. That’s all I needed to do.

Well, I kind of listened. I went to North Carolina to visit my dear old childhood friend, Alisa Barnes. I had already booked the flight before I ruptured the ligament & I figured I’d get more rest NOT chasing my kids & opted to watch her adorable two kids & spend time with my bestie. We had a glorious time! Shopping & dinner & shopping! I slept like a baby in our hotel. It was wonderful. But I was doing a lot of shopping & therefore a lot of walking when I really wasn’t supposed to be walking (and I didn’t bring my crutches b/c it was too hard to drag a bag & be on crutches.) Looking back I see that this was probably not the best idea. I came home with my foot aching worse than ever! But I got a desperately needed Mommy break so I got an orthotic boot & literally stayed off it for weeks.

Back to the Hand

3 weeks after I had my wrist cast on I returned to get the cast off & I had a bad feeling. My hand was hurting more than it did before I had the cast on! I figured it was because I was using crutches with a cast & crutches are not designed for people in casts.  They cut off my cast & the pain was excruciating. So they casted me & I had a new cast for an additional 3 weeks. Ugh. I knew it was coming but one could hope right?

About this time an angel of mercy, Cheryl Dudek, brought me a Roll About, this wonderful scooter that enables me to have more mobility but no pressure on my hand! Hallelujah! It was like Christmas Morning when she brought me that thing! What a wonderful gift.

3 more weeks pass & I got my wrist cast off, I still can’t walk but my hand is free. Very sore but now I just needed Physical Therapy and my hand should be as good as new. Only problem was I had numbness & tingling in my hand, foot & up my leg. The increase in pain & numbness was concerning for me & my doctors.  We were concerned that it could be something vascular as my family has a history of clotting disorders. My 30 year old younger brother, Bill, developed 3 blood clots & a pulmonary embolism after arthroscopic shoulder surgery, a very rare complication in someone his age. After his life-threatening ordeal we discovered a disturbing number of relatives on my father’s side who suffered from clotting disorders, many of them young & otherwise healthy. Even now my brother remains on 15 mg of Coumadin, a blood-thinning medication. 15 mg is a lot by the way. Coumadin dosage depends on each person’s individual blood but many people are reach therapeutic levels on dosages around 5-7 mg. When he told me he was on 15 mg of Coumadin to be therapeutic I was pretty concerned that my blood might be as thick as syrup as well.  As soon as I told Dr. Gor about my brother’s situation I got an ultrasound to rule out a blood clot in my leg. It was negative.

The pain increased in my foot & we thought maybe it was broken or something else was damaged. Thus I began a road of Cat Scans, MRI’s, arterial studies, ultrasounds & an EXCRUCIATING nerve conduction study with NO ANSWERS. No one could tell me why my foot would get blue & cold & numb & why my pain got worse the more I rested. Each specialist kept saying something about RSD under their breath or as a side comment. I had never heard of RSD. What in the world where they talking about? And why did none of my specialists want to give me the diagnosis?

Any prudent nurse will tell you that if they do not know something they will look it up & find the answer. So I looked it up. RSD-Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy.  We’ve all heard the saying, “Ignorance is Bliss” well, this was definitely one of those times when ignorance was bliss & knowing was well, not.

Glorya's Health-from the Beginning

What’s Up with Glorya?

Part 1-How it Started

On 12/26/11 I broke my hand.  We woke up the day after Christmas at my mother-in-law’s big beautiful house in Ashton, VA. The 5 boy cousins had slept in the basement & my middle son, Tyson, came upstairs complaining of a headache. He doesn’t usually complain about physical ailments unless he’s really sick. I took his temperature & sure enough, he was sick. (It was over 102). I give him ibuprofen & put him in our room, which has its own bathroom to quarantine him from the rest of the kids. 

A few hours later my sister in law says that her son has a fever & was throwing up the night before.  Great. Not sure which came first my son’s fever or hers but I wasn’t as worried about the boys hanging out together.  Then my oldest son, Trey, says he doesn’t feel well…yet another fever. Trey was lying on the soft leather couch & all I could think of was, “there’s no way to sterilize a leather couch!” So I sent him upstairs after giving him some ibuprofen. I quarantined the 2 boys in the upstairs bedroom as I am suspecting strep throat. (We tend to get strep every couple of months.)

 But the DVD player in our room wasn’t working, and the TV wasn’t connected to a cable line so I went to another room to find a DVD player. All the other rooms had TV/DVD/Blu Ray combos so I carried the TV combo to the room. The boys were on the bed & couldn’t see the TV on the floor. So I moved the chaise, a lovely small couch at the end of our brass bed to put the TV on top. Well, unfortunately, the brass footboard was NOT connected to the frame of the bed & came banging down on my hand like a hammer on a nail. Ouch! It hurt but mommas keep moving, right? So I got them handled & went back downstairs to get ice for my hand & popsicles for my feverish boys.

Later that afternoon DJ took them to the doctor & they had strep throat. I finally was cancelled from work as I had been on call all morning. I’m a critical care RN & I was awaiting a phone call from the Open Heart unit at the hospital to see if a particular critical patient was still in need of individualized care. Not sure how the patient faired but it did turn out that they didn’t need me & clearly my kids did so all was well.

My hand continued to hurt over the next week…I worked two 12 hour shifts & at the end of the 2^nd one I was really hurting. More ice, a little rest, it still hurt. I went to my small group meeting, a bible study of a few families from our church, Grace Community Church in Fulton) & I was gingerly holding it while I got my food. My small group is made up of 3 female doctors, no, 4 female doctors, a lawyer, some high level military & government people etc. & so I had one of docs look at my hand. Julie was straightforward, “You already know there's a problem. You have point tenderness & pain despite ice & rest. You need to get it x-rayed.” I knew it was sore for a ridiculous amount of time (think it was 8 or 9 days since the incident). So we left small group & went to Righttime Urgent Care. (I later learned they placed a friendly bet on me returning to small group the next week in a cast) I probably should’ve just gone to the hospital. They said it wasn’t broken, gave me a splint & told me to follow up with an orthopedic in 3 days if it wasn’t better. So I went to work, with the splint, & it was still super sore. 

I follow up with the orthopedist & get another x-ray. He says, “You don’t have a fracture” & I say, “What about that?” pointing to a crack in my trapezoid bone. And he looks at it again, exclaiming, “I’ve NEVER seen this before! I have to show this to my colleague!”  So he hurries out the room to email it to a hand specialist. He comes back to report his findings to me. “So you did in fact break your trapezoid bone. I’ve never seen it & the hand specialist says he’s only seen it twice in his 20 years of practice!” Again, wonderful! I break a bone that’s not much bigger than a pea; all while moving furniture to protect the extended Jordan Household from strep throat. So they put me in a cast, purple of course. J